The Arena
Facing unexpected challenges
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Unwanted Message
The last month or so has been a tough one. I got hit with some unexpected news that really knocked me sideways. Sorry for vague-booking, but I'm really not able to go into the details yet. Eventually, when the time is right, I plan on writing all about it. It's quite a story.
Processing the news has been tough. Another heartbreak and betrayal added on top of many. A foundational breach that makes it impossible not to shift your perspective in multiple ways. Deep down maybe I suspected it would always go this way. Maybe it's just physics playing itself out like a fractal of destiny.
It'd be great if I could just let it pass right through like it was no big deal and keep moving on, untethered, but at times like this I feel it is important to reassess, examine how this moment came to pass, what can be done about it, what needs to be learned, how it all fits into the bigger picture, and, if possible, stop it from replicating forward ever again.
“Je serai forte. Comme une femme. Comme un gladiateur.” – Arroum Rawia
“I will be strong. Like a woman. Like a gladiator.”
Surrounded by Tigers
Even without this shock, I already have so many challenges swirling all around right now and it is essential to maintain a solid center and stability so that I can hold up those around me. When really all I want to do right now is curl up in a ball in bed and let it all wash through. Like a downpour rushing down a ravine, leaving everything more open.
One of my dearest friends said, "I picture you like a gladiator in the arena, surrounded by tigers." It's a most apt image. How in this moment do you grab the joy and taste the sweetness? And still I try.
“Life is a tiger you have to grab by the tail, and if you don't know the nature of the beast it will eat you up.” – Stephen King
The Maelstrom
When things like this hit, everything gets stirred up. The mind races trying to make sense and figure out what can be done. Initially, it's hard to sleep and concentrate on anything else. You get angry, sad, frustrated, worried, etc. etc. running through the stages of grief, one hurdle after another and then over again.
Life is Suffering
To be clear, I understand that suffering and challenges visit each and every one of us, as the Buddha said, and for some it is extremely severe. My mind goes to those in Palestine, Sudan and Congo, right now, who have gone through more than I will ever comprehend.
We each have pain in our own unique ways, and that is what connects us to each other ultimately, and provides us with an opportunity to move towards compassion and understanding, if that is what we choose, instead of bitterness and vengeance. Making a conscious choice not to perpetuate pain outwards but to metabolize it within and neutralize it, like a mushroom absorbing toxins and leaving the soil clean.
“Our human compassion binds us the one to the other - not in pity or patronizingly, but as human beings who have learnt how to turn our common suffering into hope for the future.” – Nelson Mandela
Dimming
It's hard not to let your light dim, when a big storm comes along. And maybe for a while it flickers. You retreat within, breathing and looking for that little flame again. It was so bright just a moment ago, and now where is it? Smoke billowing everywhere, clouding everything around you.
A feeling of disorientation and disconnection can take hold until you pull yourself back down and return to gratitude and compassion.
Look for the Helpers
Moving away from what dampened the flame and towards those who stand by your side, come to your aide and guide you back towards yourself is the best path forward. I'm blessed to have several of those around me. The people who truly care and show up, checking in and making sure I'm ok. They catch me and help me get back up.
I know that I will make it through, but I'm getting weary. I need more lightness and good times, full of meaning, love, care and connection. I will look out for you too, when you get caught in a storm, if I can, and help guide you back to safety and let you have a rest, before we both go back out to the arena.
“When I was a boy and I would see scary things in the news, my mother would say to me, 'Look for the helpers. You will always find people who are helping.” – Mr. Rogers
The Arena
Purchase a limited addition print of The Arena, a meditation about dealing with all of life’s giant challenges that stalk you like prey, like a tiger and standing up to them.
